My room smells like vodka and shame
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
