so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
