Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
