none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
