gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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