I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
