Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
