i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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