Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
