some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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