Betty ford says i'm here all night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
