I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
a search helicopter?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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