we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
