I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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