you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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