Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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