I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
