Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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