So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
