Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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