I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
