Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
