and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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