good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
