I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
