I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
