Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
