You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
