Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
