Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Found your dick twin last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You made out with two different species that night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
