Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
