this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
