she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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