I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
FUCK WHALES
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
