Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
