I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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