8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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