God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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