I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
