i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
