Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
