you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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