watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
