this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
