I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Everything about him screamed your future.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
