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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
