She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
