I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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