his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
