you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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