Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
