Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
