My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
