Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
