No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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